I thought about it a lot ... i am in a situation that led to the "low" years of my life; again.
Long ago when i was in school I had but one ambition - someday i would be the captain of my house. It came true. In the 12th standard i was selected to lead my house at FAPS ... Selected not elected (in FAPS, not very surprisingly, elections were not the way in which student body leaders were appointed). Well what could be wrong ... its great news... my dream come true. Well the precise problem was i had forgotten to dream beyond that. Here i was at the pinnacle of my achievements with no idea whatsoever as to where i wanted to go beyond that.
It was the beginning of a period of low confidence and lack of vision in my life. The first two years of my engineering suffered the most because i just could not grasp the simple fact that i had to move on and set higher goals and get more ambitious (the fact that i did not stop working hard at academics was the only saving grace in my life). I have come to realize that the hubris of having achieved my ultimate ambition has lead to me losing out on lots of great opportunities in the four years of my engineering.
Well so here I am with a degree in telecom engg and a job at TI. And once again i have reached the next goal i had set for myself once i had recovered from my 'captaincy high' only to realize that once again i had forgotten to dream beyond.
Here I am with a dream job in TI and yet no goal or ambition to carry me further. I have spent the last few days in convincing myself that if i don't dream again soon i will probably be stuck here at this level of achievement whereas I have much greater expectations from life.
The only comforting thought I find here i that i have been able to identify the fact that i might fall into a dangerous routine of complacence once again and therefore i am probably better equipped this time to hand "that strange feeling again".
I have already started charting a new course ... and at this stage in my life it is more time consuming than my previous endeavors. The challenges that i set for myself this time carry greater importance. The goals i set for myself now will be critical and therefore the first step in my planning involves deciding how exactly should i plan. Should it be one single "large" goal and a one track approach ... or should it be several short term goals with no particular "large" goal multiple tracks hopefully leading somewhere ... or the most difficult approach of them all ... properly planning out several short term goals ... parallel tracks ... that lead to one ultimate goal ... an amalgamation of the tracks into one at a temporal point that i need to fix right now.
Some of these ideas are thoughts that have come off the top of my mind in the past one hour... one hour in which i have progressed from a clear minded person to a sleep craving IT employee...
I think i should allow sleep to win today....
Tuesday, November 08, 2005
Thursday, November 03, 2005
My team and Work - I
From now on i will publish a series of blogs that will focus on the environment at work and the team with which i am working at my first job.
Among my team mates are :
SPA - The functional manager - she is steeped in energy. Someday i hope to be able to lead a team the way she does.
RNM & KS - the tech leads - great people to work with. I have really no fears or inhibitions working with these people. These people are the ones making my work environment extremely conducive to continuous evolution in terms of personal development and technical knowledge repository.
JRK AR ARg BB PC - my contemporaries - though some are way too senior i find them very cooperative and easy to get along with. I admire certain qualities in each and every one of them.
The first phase of my career i intend to spend in imitation. The best and fastest way in which i can develop myself professionally is by the method of imitation. I intend to imitate the good practices that my contemporaries and managers are practicing and avoid practices that i feel would be detrimental to my advancement.
The stuff i am working on is intersting and challenging. But there is one thing that i have to remember. Everything is ephemeral. The only thing permanent is the character that i build for myself based on my experiences and the knowledge that i gain at work.
Among my team mates are :
SPA - The functional manager - she is steeped in energy. Someday i hope to be able to lead a team the way she does.
RNM & KS - the tech leads - great people to work with. I have really no fears or inhibitions working with these people. These people are the ones making my work environment extremely conducive to continuous evolution in terms of personal development and technical knowledge repository.
JRK AR ARg BB PC - my contemporaries - though some are way too senior i find them very cooperative and easy to get along with. I admire certain qualities in each and every one of them.
The first phase of my career i intend to spend in imitation. The best and fastest way in which i can develop myself professionally is by the method of imitation. I intend to imitate the good practices that my contemporaries and managers are practicing and avoid practices that i feel would be detrimental to my advancement.
The stuff i am working on is intersting and challenging. But there is one thing that i have to remember. Everything is ephemeral. The only thing permanent is the character that i build for myself based on my experiences and the knowledge that i gain at work.
Team work and its relevance
http://www.nilacharal.com/stage/katturai/team.html
This link will take you to the article that I am going to plagarize now.
Its a very interesting article on the need for team work and what teamwork means in the Indian context. The crab mentality of Indians seems to be well captured.
I found the very essence of all training on team work and group dynamics very well captured in this one article. Remember this article throughout any career.
Lack of teamwork and co-operation is one of the most serious problems affecting progress in all areas of India and wherever Indians work worldwide. The key problem in India is always implementation, not lack of policies. We have great policies and ideas about how to do things, but severely lacking teamwork.
When the Japanese came to work in India to develop the Maruti Suzuki car, a joke went around that one Indian was equal to 10 Japanese: Indians were very smart, capable and dedicated individuals. But 10 Indians were equal to 1 Japanese: Indians lacked team spirit and co-operation
What makes matters even worse is our "crab" mentality – if someone is trying to climb higher and achieve more, the others just drag him down. The signal that the others send out is, " I wouldn’t do it; I wouldn’t let you do it; and if by change you start succeeding, we will all gang up and make sure that you don’t get to do it."The question is: Where does this attitude come from, and how do we recognize and handle it?
Hierarchical System
Part of the problem is our cultural background. WeÂ’ve had feudal and a hierarchical social system in which whoever is senior supposedly knows best. This was fine in earlier times when knowledge and wisdom were passed on orally; but in modern society, there is no way that one person can know everything. Today, you may find that a young computer-trained person has more answers for an accounting problem than a senior accountant has. Until we understand how best to leverage this diversity of experience, we will not be able to create and fully utilize the right kind of teams.
Sam Pitroda:
In my younger days in the US, I attended an executive seminar for Rockwell International, where about 25 senior company executives had congregated for a week for strategic discussion. In the evenings, we would break out into five different groups of five people each. In those group workshops, someone would delegate tasks, saying: " You make coffee; you take notes; you are the chairman; and you clean the board" ;. The next day, there would be different duties for each group member. No one ever said, " But I made coffee twice or I cleaned the board entire day". I thought to myself, if this were happening in India, people would be saying, " But I’m the senior secretary – why should I make the coffee and you be the chairman?" Hierarchy comes naturally to our minds.
What Derails a Team?
Group work requires a thorough understanding of the strengths and weaknesses of individuals irrespective of their hierarchy. Because of our background, we often don’t learn how to exercise and accept leadership- to lead and to follow – simultaneously. Some gravitate toward exercising leadership, and others gravitate toward accepting the lead of others. But in true teamwork, everyone needs to do both.
Being a good team player implies respect for others, tolerance of different points of view and willingness to give. The ability to resolve conflicts without either egotism or sycophancy is a very important aspect of being a team player: You have to agree to disagree. I find that people in India somehow tend to focus on achieving total agreement, which is almost always impossible. So before work begins people want everyone to agree on everything instead they should say OK. This is what we agree on, so let’s start working on this. What we don’t agree on, we will resolve as we go along". For things to move forward, it’s important to work on the agreed-upon aspects and not get bogged down in the areas of disagreement. Yet another snake that kills teamwork is people’s political agendas. You’ve got to be open, clear and honest to be a good team player. Most people though, have a hidden agenda – they say something but mean the exact opposite. I call it "split-level consciousness". To say and mean the same thing is a very critical part of a good work ethic.
Criticizing the individual or the idea?
When Sam was working in C-DOT (400 employee size company), If someone had not been doing well, Sam used to tell the person directly to his face in a general meeting. The employees said that was insulting and they should be pulled aside individually to be told of the inefficiency. But in today's world, you cannot afford to do that every time. Besides, Sam figured that criticizing someone in a meeting was for the benefit of all present, and everyone could learn from that individual's mistakes. It was then that Sam learned how Indians do not differentiate between criticizing an idea and criticizing an individual.
So in a group, if you tell someone that his idea is no good, he automatically takes it personally and assumes that you are criticizing him. No one can have a good idea everyday on every issue. If you disagree with my idea, that does not mean that you have found fault with me as a person. Thus, it is perfectly acceptable for anyone to criticize the boss - but this concept is not a part of the Indian System. So from time to time, it is important for an organization's Chief Executive to get a report on the psychological health of the firm. How do people in the team feel? Are they stable? Confident? Secure? Comfortable? These are the key elements of a team's success. For a boss to be comfortable accepting criticism from subordinates, he must feel good about himself. Self-esteem is a key prerequisite to such a system being successful.
Mental Vs. Physical Workers
Another serious problem facing India is the dichotomy and difference in respectability between physical and mental workers, which seriously affects team performance.
Mr. Sam had a driver named Ram, who he thought was one of the best drivers in the world. He used to open the door for him whenever he entered or exited the car. Right in the first few days Sam told him " Ram bhai, you are not going to open the door for me. You can do that If I lose my hands". Ram almost started crying. He said, " Sir, what are you saying? This is my job!" Sam told him that I didn't want to treat him like a mere driver. He had to become a team player. Sam told him that whenever he was not driving, he should come into office and help out with office work - make copies, file papers, send faxes, answer phone call or simply read - rather than sit in the car and wait for me to show up.
Diversifying tasks increases workers' self-esteem and motivation and makes them team players. Now, even If Sam calls him for work in the middle of the night, he is ready - because Sam respects him for what he does. Team Interactions unfortunately, when good teams do get created, they almost invariably fall apart. In our system today it is very difficult to build teams because nobody wants to be seen playing second fiddle. It is very hard in India to find good losers. Well, you win some and you lose some. If you lose some, you should move on! You don't need to spend all your time and energy of different cultural backgrounds, religions, ethnicities and caste groups - a fertile ground of diversity in the workplace. We should actually be experts in working with diversity. But it can only happen when we get rid of personal, caste and community interests.
There could be a 40-year-old CEO with a 55-year-old VP. It has nothing to do with age; capability and expertise are what counts. But you don't yet see these attitudes taking hold in India. Managers in the US corporate environment who work with Indians - and in fact, with Asians in general - need to recognize that these individuals have a tendency to feel that they are not getting recognition or are not being respected. It must be realized that these individuals have lower self-esteem to begin with and therefore have to be pampered and encouraged a little more because they need it. This makes them feel better and work better. No Substitute for Teamwork. Teamwork is key to corporate and national governance, and to get anything done.
The fundamental Issues are respect for others, openness, honesty, communication, willingness to disagree, resolution of conflict, and recognition that the larger goal of the team as a whole rumps Individual or personal agendas.
Don't be afraid of pressure.
Remember that Pressure is what turns a lump of coal into a diamond.
This link will take you to the article that I am going to plagarize now.
Its a very interesting article on the need for team work and what teamwork means in the Indian context. The crab mentality of Indians seems to be well captured.
I found the very essence of all training on team work and group dynamics very well captured in this one article. Remember this article throughout any career.
Lack of teamwork and co-operation is one of the most serious problems affecting progress in all areas of India and wherever Indians work worldwide. The key problem in India is always implementation, not lack of policies. We have great policies and ideas about how to do things, but severely lacking teamwork.
When the Japanese came to work in India to develop the Maruti Suzuki car, a joke went around that one Indian was equal to 10 Japanese: Indians were very smart, capable and dedicated individuals. But 10 Indians were equal to 1 Japanese: Indians lacked team spirit and co-operation
What makes matters even worse is our "crab" mentality – if someone is trying to climb higher and achieve more, the others just drag him down. The signal that the others send out is, " I wouldn’t do it; I wouldn’t let you do it; and if by change you start succeeding, we will all gang up and make sure that you don’t get to do it."The question is: Where does this attitude come from, and how do we recognize and handle it?
Hierarchical System
Part of the problem is our cultural background. WeÂ’ve had feudal and a hierarchical social system in which whoever is senior supposedly knows best. This was fine in earlier times when knowledge and wisdom were passed on orally; but in modern society, there is no way that one person can know everything. Today, you may find that a young computer-trained person has more answers for an accounting problem than a senior accountant has. Until we understand how best to leverage this diversity of experience, we will not be able to create and fully utilize the right kind of teams.
Sam Pitroda:
In my younger days in the US, I attended an executive seminar for Rockwell International, where about 25 senior company executives had congregated for a week for strategic discussion. In the evenings, we would break out into five different groups of five people each. In those group workshops, someone would delegate tasks, saying: " You make coffee; you take notes; you are the chairman; and you clean the board" ;. The next day, there would be different duties for each group member. No one ever said, " But I made coffee twice or I cleaned the board entire day". I thought to myself, if this were happening in India, people would be saying, " But I’m the senior secretary – why should I make the coffee and you be the chairman?" Hierarchy comes naturally to our minds.
What Derails a Team?
Group work requires a thorough understanding of the strengths and weaknesses of individuals irrespective of their hierarchy. Because of our background, we often don’t learn how to exercise and accept leadership- to lead and to follow – simultaneously. Some gravitate toward exercising leadership, and others gravitate toward accepting the lead of others. But in true teamwork, everyone needs to do both.
Being a good team player implies respect for others, tolerance of different points of view and willingness to give. The ability to resolve conflicts without either egotism or sycophancy is a very important aspect of being a team player: You have to agree to disagree. I find that people in India somehow tend to focus on achieving total agreement, which is almost always impossible. So before work begins people want everyone to agree on everything instead they should say OK. This is what we agree on, so let’s start working on this. What we don’t agree on, we will resolve as we go along". For things to move forward, it’s important to work on the agreed-upon aspects and not get bogged down in the areas of disagreement. Yet another snake that kills teamwork is people’s political agendas. You’ve got to be open, clear and honest to be a good team player. Most people though, have a hidden agenda – they say something but mean the exact opposite. I call it "split-level consciousness". To say and mean the same thing is a very critical part of a good work ethic.
Criticizing the individual or the idea?
When Sam was working in C-DOT (400 employee size company), If someone had not been doing well, Sam used to tell the person directly to his face in a general meeting. The employees said that was insulting and they should be pulled aside individually to be told of the inefficiency. But in today's world, you cannot afford to do that every time. Besides, Sam figured that criticizing someone in a meeting was for the benefit of all present, and everyone could learn from that individual's mistakes. It was then that Sam learned how Indians do not differentiate between criticizing an idea and criticizing an individual.
So in a group, if you tell someone that his idea is no good, he automatically takes it personally and assumes that you are criticizing him. No one can have a good idea everyday on every issue. If you disagree with my idea, that does not mean that you have found fault with me as a person. Thus, it is perfectly acceptable for anyone to criticize the boss - but this concept is not a part of the Indian System. So from time to time, it is important for an organization's Chief Executive to get a report on the psychological health of the firm. How do people in the team feel? Are they stable? Confident? Secure? Comfortable? These are the key elements of a team's success. For a boss to be comfortable accepting criticism from subordinates, he must feel good about himself. Self-esteem is a key prerequisite to such a system being successful.
Mental Vs. Physical Workers
Another serious problem facing India is the dichotomy and difference in respectability between physical and mental workers, which seriously affects team performance.
Mr. Sam had a driver named Ram, who he thought was one of the best drivers in the world. He used to open the door for him whenever he entered or exited the car. Right in the first few days Sam told him " Ram bhai, you are not going to open the door for me. You can do that If I lose my hands". Ram almost started crying. He said, " Sir, what are you saying? This is my job!" Sam told him that I didn't want to treat him like a mere driver. He had to become a team player. Sam told him that whenever he was not driving, he should come into office and help out with office work - make copies, file papers, send faxes, answer phone call or simply read - rather than sit in the car and wait for me to show up.
Diversifying tasks increases workers' self-esteem and motivation and makes them team players. Now, even If Sam calls him for work in the middle of the night, he is ready - because Sam respects him for what he does. Team Interactions unfortunately, when good teams do get created, they almost invariably fall apart. In our system today it is very difficult to build teams because nobody wants to be seen playing second fiddle. It is very hard in India to find good losers. Well, you win some and you lose some. If you lose some, you should move on! You don't need to spend all your time and energy of different cultural backgrounds, religions, ethnicities and caste groups - a fertile ground of diversity in the workplace. We should actually be experts in working with diversity. But it can only happen when we get rid of personal, caste and community interests.
There could be a 40-year-old CEO with a 55-year-old VP. It has nothing to do with age; capability and expertise are what counts. But you don't yet see these attitudes taking hold in India. Managers in the US corporate environment who work with Indians - and in fact, with Asians in general - need to recognize that these individuals have a tendency to feel that they are not getting recognition or are not being respected. It must be realized that these individuals have lower self-esteem to begin with and therefore have to be pampered and encouraged a little more because they need it. This makes them feel better and work better. No Substitute for Teamwork. Teamwork is key to corporate and national governance, and to get anything done.
The fundamental Issues are respect for others, openness, honesty, communication, willingness to disagree, resolution of conflict, and recognition that the larger goal of the team as a whole rumps Individual or personal agendas.
Don't be afraid of pressure.
Remember that Pressure is what turns a lump of coal into a diamond.
Sunday, October 02, 2005
relationship - my single status
Strange - i never expected to feel bad about the fact that i am single; but today i did. I am missing a relationship.
For more than four years now (reaching five) i have been single. I thought i would wait for the right one and not hurry things up in any way. Today i feel that i have been taking it a little too slow or rather i have not been trying to make any effort whatsoever.
I am probably ready for a relationship now. I think I have matured enough over the last five years. However a relationship with me is going to be a very tough thing to keep up for the mod women/girl of today. Actually the above statment need not be true cause i have not been in a relationship of any sort to validate that point.
I dont think i will see myself in a relationship in the immediate future but i do feel that sometime soon (i'd say the near future) there is going to be something amazing that is going to happen.
This time in my life i will be ready for that something amazing and hoping to truly enrich my life from it.
For more than four years now (reaching five) i have been single. I thought i would wait for the right one and not hurry things up in any way. Today i feel that i have been taking it a little too slow or rather i have not been trying to make any effort whatsoever.
I am probably ready for a relationship now. I think I have matured enough over the last five years. However a relationship with me is going to be a very tough thing to keep up for the mod women/girl of today. Actually the above statment need not be true cause i have not been in a relationship of any sort to validate that point.
I dont think i will see myself in a relationship in the immediate future but i do feel that sometime soon (i'd say the near future) there is going to be something amazing that is going to happen.
This time in my life i will be ready for that something amazing and hoping to truly enrich my life from it.
Sunday, September 25, 2005
Thoughts on Work - Jargons !????? !
Yeah the title says it all. Its all about jargons now.
Being a techie has a big negative impact on my communications outside office. Some might say that there are no "issues" there since its all a part of English and the ultimate meaning is the same. But i believe that my use of techie jargons just reduces my communicative effectiveness in the normal world. (i dont imply that as a techie i live in an abnormal world).
The problem seems to be that the use of these jargons in office has not been of any help to me either. Its probably due the fact that i am still fresh out of college and my "ramp" up is still in progress. In any case i am sure that i will have to evolve a stratergy that will increase the effectiveness of my communication without the excessive use of jargons.
There is one piece of advice that i have found to be very useful - "love the job that you do more than the company that you work for". As much as you may love your company, if you are not performing at your job the company is most likely to kick you out. I seem to love my job as of now. I am in awe of my company no doubt, I will have to somehow create a healthy mix of love for my job and respect for my company.
I need to organize myself better at work. i need to cut down on the clutter. Ways in which i am implementing this will probably be the content of my future blogs
Being a techie has a big negative impact on my communications outside office. Some might say that there are no "issues" there since its all a part of English and the ultimate meaning is the same. But i believe that my use of techie jargons just reduces my communicative effectiveness in the normal world. (i dont imply that as a techie i live in an abnormal world).
The problem seems to be that the use of these jargons in office has not been of any help to me either. Its probably due the fact that i am still fresh out of college and my "ramp" up is still in progress. In any case i am sure that i will have to evolve a stratergy that will increase the effectiveness of my communication without the excessive use of jargons.
There is one piece of advice that i have found to be very useful - "love the job that you do more than the company that you work for". As much as you may love your company, if you are not performing at your job the company is most likely to kick you out. I seem to love my job as of now. I am in awe of my company no doubt, I will have to somehow create a healthy mix of love for my job and respect for my company.
I need to organize myself better at work. i need to cut down on the clutter. Ways in which i am implementing this will probably be the content of my future blogs
Friday, August 19, 2005
Why do people make it to where they are ...
It is highly improbable that new hires at any company get to meet their business unit heads within three weeks for a round table discussion. I had the rare privilege of meeting my head Mr. BH today. The man seems to be very very competent.
What struck me the most about the man is his simplicity in appearance and his firm attitude. He seems to be gauging the inherent potential that could be used to launch the business unit towards greater achievements.
One of the complaints that John Whitney seemed to have about TII was that we Indians seemed to miss out on the big picture. We are so preoccupied with the smaller issues we tend to overlook the big picture which is just as important.
Mr BH seems to be in tune with the big picture besides being in touch with the lower echelons of his staff. I hope to prosper under his leadership and the mentorship of my team.
We probably need more visionary leaders like MR. BH
What struck me the most about the man is his simplicity in appearance and his firm attitude. He seems to be gauging the inherent potential that could be used to launch the business unit towards greater achievements.
One of the complaints that John Whitney seemed to have about TII was that we Indians seemed to miss out on the big picture. We are so preoccupied with the smaller issues we tend to overlook the big picture which is just as important.
Mr BH seems to be in tune with the big picture besides being in touch with the lower echelons of his staff. I hope to prosper under his leadership and the mentorship of my team.
We probably need more visionary leaders like MR. BH
Saturday, July 16, 2005
A thought on risk
I just had an insight into my approach to risks.
I do not live life reckless. I do take risks but only risks that come under the "acceptable risk" category albeit an acceptable risk at a personal level.
So what is acceptable risk:
"The level of loss a society or community considers acceptable given existing social, economic, political, cultural, technical and environmental conditions.
In engineering terms, acceptable risk is also used to assess structural and non-structural measures undertaken to reduce possible damage at a level which does not harm people and property, according to codes or "accepted practice" based, among other issues, on a known probability of hazard."
source: http://www.unisdr.org/eng/library/lib-terminology-eng%20home.htm
ISDR = International Statergy for Disaster reduction.
What are the criteria that i choose to put events in the "acceptable risk" category in my life ?
At a personal level i assess an event to be in this category if and only if the probablity of failure or something going drastically wrong is 10% i.e. i should be 90% sure that at the end of the action that i take there is a 90% chance that i come out clean.
However this does not mean that I view all events at the same level. Sometimes i do take brazen risks i.e. knowing fully well i shall never be able to contain the repurcussions. Its just a part of my nature i guess.
Brazen Risk : and event that guarentees that there is a 100% chance that i will not come out clean.
I do not live life reckless. I do take risks but only risks that come under the "acceptable risk" category albeit an acceptable risk at a personal level.
So what is acceptable risk:
"The level of loss a society or community considers acceptable given existing social, economic, political, cultural, technical and environmental conditions.
In engineering terms, acceptable risk is also used to assess structural and non-structural measures undertaken to reduce possible damage at a level which does not harm people and property, according to codes or "accepted practice" based, among other issues, on a known probability of hazard."
source: http://www.unisdr.org/eng/library/lib-terminology-eng%20home.htm
ISDR = International Statergy for Disaster reduction.
What are the criteria that i choose to put events in the "acceptable risk" category in my life ?
At a personal level i assess an event to be in this category if and only if the probablity of failure or something going drastically wrong is 10% i.e. i should be 90% sure that at the end of the action that i take there is a 90% chance that i come out clean.
However this does not mean that I view all events at the same level. Sometimes i do take brazen risks i.e. knowing fully well i shall never be able to contain the repurcussions. Its just a part of my nature i guess.
Brazen Risk : and event that guarentees that there is a 100% chance that i will not come out clean.
Monday, July 11, 2005
Oh Mother!
A very interesting conversation between me and me mom.
Of late the two ladies in my house (my mom and my sis) have been behaving like crazy idiots .. (but then women are crazy idiots at some point of time or the other; atlease perceptually) and i have not been shy in vocally emphasizing this point at any given oppurtunity.
There was a sort of conversation about life and everything else going on in the kitchen and my mom, through pure and simple reasoning, had completely rebuffed one of my higher notion on life and the universe (the point was actually so trivial that i promptly forgot what it was; out of a feeling of complete foolishness).
Seeing my glum expression she said:
"You're probably thinking that i am crazy aint you?"(in konkani)
and my prompt reply was
"Thats what i have been maintaining for the past two weeks"(in konkani again).
Now my mother is the sort of person who is used to get feel good replies from me. For example my answer to her question (mentioned above) would have under normal circumstances been a silly grin acknowledging my foolishness or a long eulogy about her food and how important a role it has played in my development as a human and how grateful I am to her.
It took a few moments for my answer to sink in. I expected all hell to break lose (Women especially moms i have noticed have a deep resentment to such answers).
One Two Three ......
Silence .... I looked up ...
Mom was actually grinning. A silly grin. A grin that did not acknowldge the fact that she was crazy rather the fact that i have been maintaing that she was crazy.
I had a lip smacking dinner. There have been no repercussions as yet.
Now I do believe that miracles could probably happen with mothers too.
Of late the two ladies in my house (my mom and my sis) have been behaving like crazy idiots .. (but then women are crazy idiots at some point of time or the other; atlease perceptually) and i have not been shy in vocally emphasizing this point at any given oppurtunity.
There was a sort of conversation about life and everything else going on in the kitchen and my mom, through pure and simple reasoning, had completely rebuffed one of my higher notion on life and the universe (the point was actually so trivial that i promptly forgot what it was; out of a feeling of complete foolishness).
Seeing my glum expression she said:
"You're probably thinking that i am crazy aint you?"(in konkani)
and my prompt reply was
"Thats what i have been maintaining for the past two weeks"(in konkani again).
Now my mother is the sort of person who is used to get feel good replies from me. For example my answer to her question (mentioned above) would have under normal circumstances been a silly grin acknowledging my foolishness or a long eulogy about her food and how important a role it has played in my development as a human and how grateful I am to her.
It took a few moments for my answer to sink in. I expected all hell to break lose (Women especially moms i have noticed have a deep resentment to such answers).
One Two Three ......
Silence .... I looked up ...
Mom was actually grinning. A silly grin. A grin that did not acknowldge the fact that she was crazy rather the fact that i have been maintaing that she was crazy.
I had a lip smacking dinner. There have been no repercussions as yet.
Now I do believe that miracles could probably happen with mothers too.
Saturday, April 02, 2005
Another lost cause ? I hope Not
It has been long since i have posted anything .... though this period has not been devoid of thought and analysis the initial facination with my own blog and the purpose for which it was created has ebbed .......
Perhaps the fact that i work from 9 to 6 for my project is hindering the creativity that i wished to reignite in my somewhat boring life.
Of late i have been worrying about my technical skills ..... I am going to be an engineer soon I am going to be in a technical engineering job soon ... but where is it that i am heading. Clear visions of the future elude me .... maybe i am not trying hard enough to visualize the future.... but i most certanly do know that right now i am clueless again .....
I have topped the 7th semester exams ... but somehow i am not really elated or euphoric ..... a sense of dread has come over me ...... once again I have achieved something that was at the pinnacle of my wish list and that place is blank again.
I overwrked the critical thinking and analytical thinking components of my brain last week leading to a mini burnout ... surprisingly the recovery from the burnout has been rather quick .... within the week I have come out of it and my mind is sort of clearing .... Soon i will have another goal .... another plateau, enroute my ardrous climb to an elusive summit, to reach. I hope all my recoveries are like this in the future ....... and i never NEVER become complacent again .......
Perhaps the fact that i work from 9 to 6 for my project is hindering the creativity that i wished to reignite in my somewhat boring life.
Of late i have been worrying about my technical skills ..... I am going to be an engineer soon I am going to be in a technical engineering job soon ... but where is it that i am heading. Clear visions of the future elude me .... maybe i am not trying hard enough to visualize the future.... but i most certanly do know that right now i am clueless again .....
I have topped the 7th semester exams ... but somehow i am not really elated or euphoric ..... a sense of dread has come over me ...... once again I have achieved something that was at the pinnacle of my wish list and that place is blank again.
I overwrked the critical thinking and analytical thinking components of my brain last week leading to a mini burnout ... surprisingly the recovery from the burnout has been rather quick .... within the week I have come out of it and my mind is sort of clearing .... Soon i will have another goal .... another plateau, enroute my ardrous climb to an elusive summit, to reach. I hope all my recoveries are like this in the future ....... and i never NEVER become complacent again .......
Wednesday, February 23, 2005
Great Teachers
There are some peaople whom you regret not having known during their lifetime and a few days ago i read about one such person whom i wish i had known when he was alive.
Dr. HN educationist Gandhian idealist and most of all to my perception a simple humourist. Being a man of great importance there were a large number of tributes and obituaries about him in the papers. The common thread among all the articles was the undiluted admiration everyone had for his simplicity (he lived in a single small room) and good humoured. From these writings I gathere that here was a person who was really prepared for his death. He joked constantly about it and had completed all formalities that would have been required in case of the occurace of the event.
What do I have to learn from HN I have to learn the importance of rising up the ranks and yet retaining the simplicity that helps in maintaining the greatness that comes with the rise.
REading about his life i have realized why i respect teachers who are true educationists. I have come across many teachers who are technically brilliant but have no inkling of the meaning of the word education. I dont expect a long pedantic moral lecture from a teacher of Data Communications but i do expect the teacher to impart knowledge in a manner that is to the best of her ability. I dont expect a teacher to spoon feed my knowledge but at the same time his efforts to make me see the solution in arcane jargons makes me wonder about this mans dedication to the task.
Teaching is a great responsibility. It is no joke. My thought on teaching part time have now been completely extinguished. A teacher cant do his subject and students justice unless he himself is convinced of what he is teaching and he has the conviction of thought that he can impart his knoledge effectively to others. i have not yet reached a level of knowkedge where I can say that I am capable of being a teacher. I need to remember that teaching is sacred and that is why good educationists are always revered.
Dr. HN educationist Gandhian idealist and most of all to my perception a simple humourist. Being a man of great importance there were a large number of tributes and obituaries about him in the papers. The common thread among all the articles was the undiluted admiration everyone had for his simplicity (he lived in a single small room) and good humoured. From these writings I gathere that here was a person who was really prepared for his death. He joked constantly about it and had completed all formalities that would have been required in case of the occurace of the event.
What do I have to learn from HN I have to learn the importance of rising up the ranks and yet retaining the simplicity that helps in maintaining the greatness that comes with the rise.
REading about his life i have realized why i respect teachers who are true educationists. I have come across many teachers who are technically brilliant but have no inkling of the meaning of the word education. I dont expect a long pedantic moral lecture from a teacher of Data Communications but i do expect the teacher to impart knowledge in a manner that is to the best of her ability. I dont expect a teacher to spoon feed my knowledge but at the same time his efforts to make me see the solution in arcane jargons makes me wonder about this mans dedication to the task.
Teaching is a great responsibility. It is no joke. My thought on teaching part time have now been completely extinguished. A teacher cant do his subject and students justice unless he himself is convinced of what he is teaching and he has the conviction of thought that he can impart his knoledge effectively to others. i have not yet reached a level of knowkedge where I can say that I am capable of being a teacher. I need to remember that teaching is sacred and that is why good educationists are always revered.
Sunday, February 20, 2005
after .. a long time
Exams are done ....... Internship in place ( I am working at PMS! .... Philips Medical Systems) ....
Lotsa thoughts had to be put up here .... but i did not get a chance .... Finally I have a dedicated highspeed internet connection .... therefore hopefully i will update this place more often ....
here is one of my thoughtful typings just after the 7th sem exams
There are few sermons that i have listened to in its entirety during Sunday mass and fewer that impress me or make me see the fundamental truths of life and faith. Of late my quest has been to find the true meaning of faith. What is faith ? It is definately not something that is relative only to god. Faith seems to have a more deeper meaning to everybody in daily life. I implicitly have faith that I am going to get up every morning and brush my teeth. I have explicit faith that the decisios my parents have taken on my behalf have been for my own good. I implicitly have faith in GOD and God's plan for me (yeah it still has not changed to the agnostic). I have explicit faith in my close friends being there for me in my tough times. I have faith in the infinite goodness of man ..... and so on and so forth ... too many thoughts have rushed through my mind in terms of my faith.
So is faith a fundamental state of being. It is definately not innate. Faith is something that is acquired either by perception practice or by indoctrination. Faith is a persons measure of truth relative to his own perceptions.
MY FAITH DEFINES MY TRUTH.
Lotsa thoughts had to be put up here .... but i did not get a chance .... Finally I have a dedicated highspeed internet connection .... therefore hopefully i will update this place more often ....
here is one of my thoughtful typings just after the 7th sem exams
There are few sermons that i have listened to in its entirety during Sunday mass and fewer that impress me or make me see the fundamental truths of life and faith. Of late my quest has been to find the true meaning of faith. What is faith ? It is definately not something that is relative only to god. Faith seems to have a more deeper meaning to everybody in daily life. I implicitly have faith that I am going to get up every morning and brush my teeth. I have explicit faith that the decisios my parents have taken on my behalf have been for my own good. I implicitly have faith in GOD and God's plan for me (yeah it still has not changed to the agnostic). I have explicit faith in my close friends being there for me in my tough times. I have faith in the infinite goodness of man ..... and so on and so forth ... too many thoughts have rushed through my mind in terms of my faith.
So is faith a fundamental state of being. It is definately not innate. Faith is something that is acquired either by perception practice or by indoctrination. Faith is a persons measure of truth relative to his own perceptions.
MY FAITH DEFINES MY TRUTH.
Monday, January 10, 2005
Nothing corrupts like power.....
With great power comes great responsibility ... its a blessing its a curse ....
Two very cliched statements and yet two of the most relevent statements in today's world vis a vis leadership.
I was just thinking about what is leadership and these were the first two thoughts that came to my mind.
In the early days (pre engineering) leadership to me was all about power. The power to hold sway on the proceedings and to be incharge. To impose my views on the formulation of any action in an absolute manner without any discussion. Now my views on leadership are much more muddled than before. Is leadership only about power or are there greater depths that i have not as yet explored. I see lots of leaders around me and the only thing that seems to satisfy them is the power that they hold by virtue of leadership and that is what made me think.....
One important conclusion that i have drawn is leadership has to be taken with a tacit understanding that i am willing to take on the responsibility that comes with it and not just cling on to the power that is part and parcel of it. If i am a leader then i am responsible for the use of my power for the common good and not for just my egotic self appeasement. I guess i am just stating the obvious once again ...but i need to remind myself continuously that i should believe in the fundamental tenets of good leadership that i have inferred from past experiences and this is one of them.
Thoughts on leadership raise lots of issues and questions that could be the topic of many blog entries .... but before anything else i have found an old piece of paper that has as its contents two of the most influential sermons i have heard in my life..... sometime next week i am going to put them down here with my own perspectives on them.
Sleep and a feeling of guilt that precious study ;) time is wasted on this exercise are the only constraints on my flow of thought ................
With great power comes great responsibility ... its a blessing its a curse ....
Two very cliched statements and yet two of the most relevent statements in today's world vis a vis leadership.
I was just thinking about what is leadership and these were the first two thoughts that came to my mind.
In the early days (pre engineering) leadership to me was all about power. The power to hold sway on the proceedings and to be incharge. To impose my views on the formulation of any action in an absolute manner without any discussion. Now my views on leadership are much more muddled than before. Is leadership only about power or are there greater depths that i have not as yet explored. I see lots of leaders around me and the only thing that seems to satisfy them is the power that they hold by virtue of leadership and that is what made me think.....
One important conclusion that i have drawn is leadership has to be taken with a tacit understanding that i am willing to take on the responsibility that comes with it and not just cling on to the power that is part and parcel of it. If i am a leader then i am responsible for the use of my power for the common good and not for just my egotic self appeasement. I guess i am just stating the obvious once again ...but i need to remind myself continuously that i should believe in the fundamental tenets of good leadership that i have inferred from past experiences and this is one of them.
Thoughts on leadership raise lots of issues and questions that could be the topic of many blog entries .... but before anything else i have found an old piece of paper that has as its contents two of the most influential sermons i have heard in my life..... sometime next week i am going to put them down here with my own perspectives on them.
Sleep and a feeling of guilt that precious study ;) time is wasted on this exercise are the only constraints on my flow of thought ................
Friday, January 07, 2005
it works
My previous post was reactionary.....
I reacted to something i felt very strongly about .....
and it yielded results ..... Anish M John 's Letter was published on Jan 5 2005
my reply was published in deccanherald on Jan 6th 2005....
This publish has made me realize that one does not have to compromise on something that he feels very strongly about. If you are partially right and your voice could make a difference and you dont raise it ... u are committing a crime. Being reactive in life is as important i am realizing as being proactive .... but then a true commentry on proactivity and reactivity would require a peaceful night to ponder upon.
Sleep and studies beckon me.
I reacted to something i felt very strongly about .....
and it yielded results ..... Anish M John 's Letter was published on Jan 5 2005
my reply was published in deccanherald on Jan 6th 2005....
This publish has made me realize that one does not have to compromise on something that he feels very strongly about. If you are partially right and your voice could make a difference and you dont raise it ... u are committing a crime. Being reactive in life is as important i am realizing as being proactive .... but then a true commentry on proactivity and reactivity would require a peaceful night to ponder upon.
Sleep and studies beckon me.
Thursday, January 06, 2005
disgusted
A letter to the editor in DH on Jan 5th 2005 regarding relief work and the tsunami :
IngratitudeSir, Indeed, it was very sad to come across the reality that whilst trying to start life from scrap, those affected by the tsunami have shown no qualms in making demands, thus hurting the sentiments of those who had spent time collecting used clothes and helping others get them distributed. The news reports that surfaced in many newspapers, about people demanding new clothes and not accepting the used ones, were very saddening. When so many have lost their lives, the demands being made by those who have been spared, who are not grateful for the magnanimity being shown by their fellow beings, would make many think twice, in the future, about being Good Samaritans.ANISH M JOHN, Kerala
and my reply :
Sir,
The recent tsunami that hit South Asia has left many homeless and penniless. It is heartening to note that many in our country have ome forward to donate voluntarily for the rehabilitation of the affected. However i was disgusted after reading the letter sent in by Mr. Anish M John (Jan 9th) regarding the ingratitude of the victims.
An old clothes collection drive was undertaken in my locality and the organisers were rueing the fact that the quality of the clothes recieved was pathetic. The victims are human beings who have lived dignified lives, they were not beggars. Is the action of distributing worn out old clothes to dignified people who have lost everything in an undignified manner justified ?
Here I would like to mention the good work done by a mechant and shown on a prominent news chanel. Instead of blindly donating clothes and money in aid of the victims a certain merchant visited the affected areas and found out the real needs of the people. He returned to distribute a truckload of steel utensils. His actions were truly appreciated. True charity is that which is done without any expectation of gratitude.Does Mr. Anish expect the penniless victims of the tsunami to be grateful for the clothes that they dont need ?
IngratitudeSir, Indeed, it was very sad to come across the reality that whilst trying to start life from scrap, those affected by the tsunami have shown no qualms in making demands, thus hurting the sentiments of those who had spent time collecting used clothes and helping others get them distributed. The news reports that surfaced in many newspapers, about people demanding new clothes and not accepting the used ones, were very saddening. When so many have lost their lives, the demands being made by those who have been spared, who are not grateful for the magnanimity being shown by their fellow beings, would make many think twice, in the future, about being Good Samaritans.ANISH M JOHN, Kerala
and my reply :
Sir,
The recent tsunami that hit South Asia has left many homeless and penniless. It is heartening to note that many in our country have ome forward to donate voluntarily for the rehabilitation of the affected. However i was disgusted after reading the letter sent in by Mr. Anish M John (Jan 9th) regarding the ingratitude of the victims.
An old clothes collection drive was undertaken in my locality and the organisers were rueing the fact that the quality of the clothes recieved was pathetic. The victims are human beings who have lived dignified lives, they were not beggars. Is the action of distributing worn out old clothes to dignified people who have lost everything in an undignified manner justified ?
Here I would like to mention the good work done by a mechant and shown on a prominent news chanel. Instead of blindly donating clothes and money in aid of the victims a certain merchant visited the affected areas and found out the real needs of the people. He returned to distribute a truckload of steel utensils. His actions were truly appreciated. True charity is that which is done without any expectation of gratitude.Does Mr. Anish expect the penniless victims of the tsunami to be grateful for the clothes that they dont need ?
Monday, January 03, 2005
GOD upto now ...
I have several questions about my beliefs in what i think is right. Primary among these things is my belief in the rightness of GOD and the morals that he brings about. What is morally right and is what is morally right good or bad ? Are the answers to these questions circumstantial or absolute ? Is there God and if there is GOD what is the meaning of GOD?
Today i want to post some of my earlier thoughts on GOD and the evolution of GOD as a real entity in my life in the early years.
As it is with every other kid I first learnt about GOD through my Parents and Grandparents ... who used to use the term 'Jezu' (konkani Jesus) to refer to the person who was the ultimate creator and judge. For many years i believed that GOD was the reason why man was good. It is because he feared GOD and his parents (who thought him about GOD and what is right and wrong in GOD's sight) that he chose to do right (whatever right was).
Somewhere towards the end of my high school I changed my views based on happenings at that time. To me GOD became the ultimate tool that man fell back on. He (yes to me GOD was male) was the person to whom all fortune and (more often) misfortune could be alluded to. He was a real being having no real existence but a place reserved in every mind (including the agnostic mind). The more predominant view is that of the ultimate person on whom man banked upon in the most hopeless and desperate of all situations. It seems to me that i had come to the dooctrine of "First Cause" indirectly with my line of thought.
That view of God stayed on till recently. One of the first belief of mine that i questioned is that of my belif in GOD(a belief i still hold very firmly as RIGHT) and the church(which has significantly diminished since). I am still reading and pondering on the knowledge that i am assimilating about GOD both from the believing camps of all religions and the camp of men and women who are truly agnostic i.e those who know what GOD is supposed to be and yet do not agree with the concept of GOD.
My quest continues and i will keep adding to this journal of mine thoughts and revelations that i find necessarily important in my final formulation of the role of GOD and the church in my life.
... Sleep takes its toll again...........
Today i want to post some of my earlier thoughts on GOD and the evolution of GOD as a real entity in my life in the early years.
As it is with every other kid I first learnt about GOD through my Parents and Grandparents ... who used to use the term 'Jezu' (konkani Jesus) to refer to the person who was the ultimate creator and judge. For many years i believed that GOD was the reason why man was good. It is because he feared GOD and his parents (who thought him about GOD and what is right and wrong in GOD's sight) that he chose to do right (whatever right was).
Somewhere towards the end of my high school I changed my views based on happenings at that time. To me GOD became the ultimate tool that man fell back on. He (yes to me GOD was male) was the person to whom all fortune and (more often) misfortune could be alluded to. He was a real being having no real existence but a place reserved in every mind (including the agnostic mind). The more predominant view is that of the ultimate person on whom man banked upon in the most hopeless and desperate of all situations. It seems to me that i had come to the dooctrine of "First Cause" indirectly with my line of thought.
That view of God stayed on till recently. One of the first belief of mine that i questioned is that of my belif in GOD(a belief i still hold very firmly as RIGHT) and the church(which has significantly diminished since). I am still reading and pondering on the knowledge that i am assimilating about GOD both from the believing camps of all religions and the camp of men and women who are truly agnostic i.e those who know what GOD is supposed to be and yet do not agree with the concept of GOD.
My quest continues and i will keep adding to this journal of mine thoughts and revelations that i find necessarily important in my final formulation of the role of GOD and the church in my life.
... Sleep takes its toll again...........
Blog Journal ?
This blog is mine. This blog is primarily for me. I think it is like an open journal. It is supposed to be my private journal but i write it online - a place where privacy loses its dictionary meaning.
Then why do i write at a place like this is one of the questions i am bound to ask myself sometime in the future. Why maintain a personal journal in a public domain. I think at this point of time i do have an answer.
I am not big and famous enough to fear the fact that my journal will be read by others. I might tell a few of my friends of this but i honestly dont think that they really will check this place out and read all the stuff that i put up ... that is if they really visit this place. The loss of privacy is something that the famous and infamous have to fear .... not insignificant mortals like me. And if someone does read this they would probably find nothing out of the ordinary.
It has been more than three years since i have done some serious thinking about life and what it holds for me. A statement made by my father changed that. "Right is relative" ..just three words thought me a big lesson.
It made me question my life and whether all i have done upto now is right in the absolute sense.The profound depth of my father's statement struck me.
In the future suppose i lose my way i want to read this and remind myself what it is that i had envisioned for myself I need a place of permenant storage that does not require a password (cause passwords are always forgotten) to store my thoughts.
Late night typing is taking its toll on this entry but I hope it is sufficient enough to convince me in the future that this blog is for me and started with a selfish purpose.
Then why do i write at a place like this is one of the questions i am bound to ask myself sometime in the future. Why maintain a personal journal in a public domain. I think at this point of time i do have an answer.
I am not big and famous enough to fear the fact that my journal will be read by others. I might tell a few of my friends of this but i honestly dont think that they really will check this place out and read all the stuff that i put up ... that is if they really visit this place. The loss of privacy is something that the famous and infamous have to fear .... not insignificant mortals like me. And if someone does read this they would probably find nothing out of the ordinary.
It has been more than three years since i have done some serious thinking about life and what it holds for me. A statement made by my father changed that. "Right is relative" ..just three words thought me a big lesson.
It made me question my life and whether all i have done upto now is right in the absolute sense.The profound depth of my father's statement struck me.
In the future suppose i lose my way i want to read this and remind myself what it is that i had envisioned for myself I need a place of permenant storage that does not require a password (cause passwords are always forgotten) to store my thoughts.
Late night typing is taking its toll on this entry but I hope it is sufficient enough to convince me in the future that this blog is for me and started with a selfish purpose.
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