A sabbatical that ends ...

It has been a long time since i collated my thoughts and brought them out in cyberspace. A number of things have transpired since.

I have (almost) independent charge of audio in the GGE (GSM,GPRS,EDGE) segment of mobile platforms at my workplace. My car is all fixed up, shining and as pleasurable as ever, i have paid the price of the catastrophic accident in the form of a court hearing and fine. I have lost love. I have stopped eating rice soup for breakfast. I have acted in a "real" theater production staged at Rangashankara in Bangalore and a frivolous yet fun skit at work, besides directing one myself! My dad retired from his job and is back with the family after fifteen years ..........

Gosh my mind is awash with the incidents that have transpired in the time since my last post. From a sense of euphoric enthusiasm in my personal and professional life i have moved into a phase where i feel lackadaisical in my personal life and am running at a near frantic pace of advancement in my professional life.

This period has been one of growth and self realization. I have learnt a lot of things about me and the way in which i deal with people. I have discovered that i could be dispassionately ruthless to people whom i care about and love in case i wish to achieve something that my heart absolutely desires. I have realized that i do allow my heart to rule my mind in matters where it should not. I have realized that i can become near childlike and carefree without a trace of the mature and wise facade that i normally wear, in the company of the woman i'd love. I have grown to accept the fact that i do not have the maturity that i thought i possessed. I have also grown to accept the truth that i have not yet become mature in an experiential sense.

The movie Good Will Hunting brought about a period of intense thought, something that i had not felt for a long time (or rather the first bit of intense thought that i can publish online in more than a year). The Robin Williams monologue on the importance of "the experience" in shaping one's wisdom and maturity was like a revelation akin to finding light at the end of the tunnel. Often in the past one year i have wondered why am i being put through the things i experience when i dont deserve a lot of it. And lo and behold Robin Williams (in a way its the writers - ben affleck and matt damon and not robin williams) had the answer i was seeking ... its because everything that has transpired has added to a treasure chest that i need to pocess called experiential wisdom a treasure chest from which i can draw considerable amounts at crucial times in the future.

I have changed ... and i will keep changing ... and the only comforting fact is that i change so that things get better for me, the people who live and exist in my circle of influence and people who will come into my circle of influence at a later point in life ...