It has been a long time since i collated my thoughts and brought them out in cyberspace. A number of things have transpired since.
I have (almost) independent charge of audio in the GGE (GSM,GPRS,EDGE) segment of mobile platforms at my workplace. My car is all fixed up, shining and as pleasurable as ever, i have paid the price of the catastrophic accident in the form of a court hearing and fine. I have lost love. I have stopped eating rice soup for breakfast. I have acted in a "real" theater production staged at Rangashankara in Bangalore and a frivolous yet fun skit at work, besides directing one myself! My dad retired from his job and is back with the family after fifteen years ..........
Gosh my mind is awash with the incidents that have transpired in the time since my last post. From a sense of euphoric enthusiasm in my personal and professional life i have moved into a phase where i feel lackadaisical in my personal life and am running at a near frantic pace of advancement in my professional life.
This period has been one of growth and self realization. I have learnt a lot of things about me and the way in which i deal with people. I have discovered that i could be dispassionately ruthless to people whom i care about and love in case i wish to achieve something that my heart absolutely desires. I have realized that i do allow my heart to rule my mind in matters where it should not. I have realized that i can become near childlike and carefree without a trace of the mature and wise facade that i normally wear, in the company of the woman i'd love. I have grown to accept the fact that i do not have the maturity that i thought i possessed. I have also grown to accept the truth that i have not yet become mature in an experiential sense.
The movie Good Will Hunting brought about a period of intense thought, something that i had not felt for a long time (or rather the first bit of intense thought that i can publish online in more than a year). The Robin Williams monologue on the importance of "the experience" in shaping one's wisdom and maturity was like a revelation akin to finding light at the end of the tunnel. Often in the past one year i have wondered why am i being put through the things i experience when i dont deserve a lot of it. And lo and behold Robin Williams (in a way its the writers - ben affleck and matt damon and not robin williams) had the answer i was seeking ... its because everything that has transpired has added to a treasure chest that i need to pocess called experiential wisdom a treasure chest from which i can draw considerable amounts at crucial times in the future.
I have changed ... and i will keep changing ... and the only comforting fact is that i change so that things get better for me, the people who live and exist in my circle of influence and people who will come into my circle of influence at a later point in life ...
Sunday, February 03, 2008
Monday, December 18, 2006
Resilience
The past week has been a revelation.
I have never had a more myriad sense of emotions and experiences both on the personal and professional front.
Let me start off with the professional, to me the most insignificant of them all. The second package that is being sent out of my team in a new project. I had always wondered how could i get the respect of my team members, esp. the contractors who work with our team. It happened. One or two brilliant thoughts, a few clever thinking troubleshooting stunts later, i could feel the respect that they have for me. They do not revere my knowledge, but they definitely respect me as a peer. It feels good to know that i am respected for my skill, a first for me in my professional career. I look forward to honor the respect and trust they have shown in me...
On the personal front, i have had a veritable roller coaster ride of emotions, from the euphoric heights of falling in love to the depths of depression and frustration in dealing with governmental agencies, i have seen despair, fear, light, hope, friendship, and love.
In the process i have just realized how resilient i have become to changing circumstances ... a few years ago, a week with just a fraction of the experiences of my previous week \would have left me physically and mentally exhausted ... i am surprised at the speed at which i have bounced back to almost normality .... (i am still depressed about the damages to my car .... and still euphoric in every sense ! )
I feel light hearted and at the same time i feel like i have just gone through a second moulting in my life ... the new year holds so much promise for me ... i cant help but pray that all goes the way i wish it does ... !!!!
As always sleep takes its toll on the length of this post ....!!!!!h
I have never had a more myriad sense of emotions and experiences both on the personal and professional front.
Let me start off with the professional, to me the most insignificant of them all. The second package that is being sent out of my team in a new project. I had always wondered how could i get the respect of my team members, esp. the contractors who work with our team. It happened. One or two brilliant thoughts, a few clever thinking troubleshooting stunts later, i could feel the respect that they have for me. They do not revere my knowledge, but they definitely respect me as a peer. It feels good to know that i am respected for my skill, a first for me in my professional career. I look forward to honor the respect and trust they have shown in me...
On the personal front, i have had a veritable roller coaster ride of emotions, from the euphoric heights of falling in love to the depths of depression and frustration in dealing with governmental agencies, i have seen despair, fear, light, hope, friendship, and love.
In the process i have just realized how resilient i have become to changing circumstances ... a few years ago, a week with just a fraction of the experiences of my previous week \would have left me physically and mentally exhausted ... i am surprised at the speed at which i have bounced back to almost normality .... (i am still depressed about the damages to my car .... and still euphoric in every sense ! )
I feel light hearted and at the same time i feel like i have just gone through a second moulting in my life ... the new year holds so much promise for me ... i cant help but pray that all goes the way i wish it does ... !!!!
As always sleep takes its toll on the length of this post ....!!!!!h
Thursday, November 30, 2006
Life, the universe and a star gazing trip
consciousness : -
Consciousness is a quality of the mind generally regarded to comprise qualities such as subjectivity, self-awareness, sentience, sapience, and the ability to perceive the relationship between oneself and one's environment.
- source Wiki
Was recently on a star gazing trip o Hampi inKarnataka, India. For those in Bangalore who have not been to Hampi, get there on the first chance that you get. It was a mind blowing experience ...the ruins... the history ... the feeling of pride.
The real intention of the trip , which was done with the Bangalore Astronomical Society, was to have a clear sky for a great night of sky observations. We had brilliantly clear skies from 8 pm to 12 am after which all observations were hampered the heavy cloud cover.
It was amazing to just lie on my back and look up at the clear sky. It used to be a real pleasurable activity for me when i was a kid; it was a form of pleasure that i had forgotten.
A few deep and profound thoughts struck me as i gazed deep into the cosmos ...
I am so insignificant from a physical point of view in the grand scheme of things ... I mean the sheer physical magnitude of the universe makes my physical being a very insignificant entity of existence.
However ... what is the magnitude of the universe? The whole notion of existence and the magnitude of the universe is directly linked to my consciousness. If my consciousness did not exist, the universe and everything else also would not...
And then suddenly it struck me ... one of the most important aspect of my existence is my consciousness ... perhaps it "is" the cornerstone of my existence. I exist and i am aware of my existence because of my consciousness. So the whole universe gets its meaning through an individuals consciousness ... Does that make the individual the central theme of creation from a personal perspective?
The "self" is an important thing. The whole universe has an existence in my consciousness ...
These were some deep and profound thoughts ... they have given me one or two sleepless nights ... i continue to think about them ... I think i have a lot more to learn about existence and my consciousness ...
For now i am conscious that i am sleepy :) .....
Consciousness is a quality of the mind generally regarded to comprise qualities such as subjectivity, self-awareness, sentience, sapience, and the ability to perceive the relationship between oneself and one's environment.
- source Wiki
Was recently on a star gazing trip o Hampi inKarnataka, India. For those in Bangalore who have not been to Hampi, get there on the first chance that you get. It was a mind blowing experience ...the ruins... the history ... the feeling of pride.
The real intention of the trip , which was done with the Bangalore Astronomical Society, was to have a clear sky for a great night of sky observations. We had brilliantly clear skies from 8 pm to 12 am after which all observations were hampered the heavy cloud cover.
It was amazing to just lie on my back and look up at the clear sky. It used to be a real pleasurable activity for me when i was a kid; it was a form of pleasure that i had forgotten.
A few deep and profound thoughts struck me as i gazed deep into the cosmos ...
I am so insignificant from a physical point of view in the grand scheme of things ... I mean the sheer physical magnitude of the universe makes my physical being a very insignificant entity of existence.
However ... what is the magnitude of the universe? The whole notion of existence and the magnitude of the universe is directly linked to my consciousness. If my consciousness did not exist, the universe and everything else also would not...
And then suddenly it struck me ... one of the most important aspect of my existence is my consciousness ... perhaps it "is" the cornerstone of my existence. I exist and i am aware of my existence because of my consciousness. So the whole universe gets its meaning through an individuals consciousness ... Does that make the individual the central theme of creation from a personal perspective?
The "self" is an important thing. The whole universe has an existence in my consciousness ...
These were some deep and profound thoughts ... they have given me one or two sleepless nights ... i continue to think about them ... I think i have a lot more to learn about existence and my consciousness ...
For now i am conscious that i am sleepy :) .....
Monday, October 09, 2006
Feeling very light headed and hearted today
I dunno why is it that i am feeling so light and happy right now ... maybe its the excellent fish i had for dinner ... maybe it was the company i had at dinner ... maybe its just the weather ... i dunno ... i dont care ... i love the feeling ...
I had not been feeling well over the past one week and in between the important event of presenting my first technical paper accepted at a pulic forum ... the only thing that i could afford to do was sleep and think ... think about life ... existence and the good effects of prayer.
Prayer ... the one word that brings religiosity to mind ... a man who prays is considered to be a complete religious "holy holy" guy ... i think not!
When i was struggling with a 103 temperature and i just couldn't get to sleep due to the myriad paths my hallucinating mind was taking, i decided to try out something interesting.... i closed my eyes and started a chant .... it was just a rendition of the holy rosary ... something we have been doing as a family since as far as i can remember ... it was more of a chant than a real prayer .... and it worked like a beauty ...
No my fever did not come down .... but i could feel my senses and thoughts collating and coming to focus ... the chant was helping my mind calm down so that i could get my much needed sleep ... in the proces i realized the much maligned truth about prayer ... its the best mental tool known to man since times immemorial ...
A prayer (not necessarily to god...) can be anything from a heartfelt outpouring to a senseless chant is a mental tool that people use for reassurance, refocussing and invogorating the inner soul ... if seen from the right perspective i think prayer is a life enhancing tool ...
Personally i prefer the chanting path of prayer ... the rosary has become so much of a habit that i chant it everyday rather than actually mean it when said in unison with the family ... During the course of the chant ... my mind wanders on multiple paths ... looking deep into my subconscious ... i find peace and tranquility , i find out what troubles me ... what makes me ecstatic ... my innermost plans for myself ... my dreams and aspirations ... my likes my dislikes ... my love and my hate ... i am actually self aware as if i were cast on stage with all the spotlights on me and the world watching on ...
Anyway ... this momentous feeling i felt helped me sleep well that night and tide over my first major sickness in three years ...
I dont feel any more religious or pious ... rather i feel at peace and content with myself ... and i think i understand why peple pray ... they may be doing out of peity, but the real reason is somwhere deep down inside it is aiding them to be more self aware of themselves ... and that is what is necessary to lead an enlightened life ....
And ofcourse its good to be back at work with wonderful plans for my future ... i hope i continue to remain as optimistic and upbeat as this all my life ... i owe it to me and the society in which i live...
I had not been feeling well over the past one week and in between the important event of presenting my first technical paper accepted at a pulic forum ... the only thing that i could afford to do was sleep and think ... think about life ... existence and the good effects of prayer.
Prayer ... the one word that brings religiosity to mind ... a man who prays is considered to be a complete religious "holy holy" guy ... i think not!
When i was struggling with a 103 temperature and i just couldn't get to sleep due to the myriad paths my hallucinating mind was taking, i decided to try out something interesting.... i closed my eyes and started a chant .... it was just a rendition of the holy rosary ... something we have been doing as a family since as far as i can remember ... it was more of a chant than a real prayer .... and it worked like a beauty ...
No my fever did not come down .... but i could feel my senses and thoughts collating and coming to focus ... the chant was helping my mind calm down so that i could get my much needed sleep ... in the proces i realized the much maligned truth about prayer ... its the best mental tool known to man since times immemorial ...
A prayer (not necessarily to god...) can be anything from a heartfelt outpouring to a senseless chant is a mental tool that people use for reassurance, refocussing and invogorating the inner soul ... if seen from the right perspective i think prayer is a life enhancing tool ...
Personally i prefer the chanting path of prayer ... the rosary has become so much of a habit that i chant it everyday rather than actually mean it when said in unison with the family ... During the course of the chant ... my mind wanders on multiple paths ... looking deep into my subconscious ... i find peace and tranquility , i find out what troubles me ... what makes me ecstatic ... my innermost plans for myself ... my dreams and aspirations ... my likes my dislikes ... my love and my hate ... i am actually self aware as if i were cast on stage with all the spotlights on me and the world watching on ...
Anyway ... this momentous feeling i felt helped me sleep well that night and tide over my first major sickness in three years ...
I dont feel any more religious or pious ... rather i feel at peace and content with myself ... and i think i understand why peple pray ... they may be doing out of peity, but the real reason is somwhere deep down inside it is aiding them to be more self aware of themselves ... and that is what is necessary to lead an enlightened life ....
And ofcourse its good to be back at work with wonderful plans for my future ... i hope i continue to remain as optimistic and upbeat as this all my life ... i owe it to me and the society in which i live...
Monday, September 18, 2006
Just had to put this up
Follow the link:
The homeless of SanFransisco
Every picture there tells a story of poverty in SanFransisco ...
I hope every visitor to my blog reads atleast some of the stories behind these pictures ....
THis link got me thinking ... if there is a story behind the poor homeless in a city like SF ... how many more should be found in the cities of Inida ????
Its one of those picture sets on the net that is going to give me a sleepless night ... as i ponder and contemplate on the relative affluence in which i live ...
Life is unfair ... I've got to learn to accept it ... it is unfair in my favour tonight ....
The homeless of SanFransisco
Every picture there tells a story of poverty in SanFransisco ...
I hope every visitor to my blog reads atleast some of the stories behind these pictures ....
THis link got me thinking ... if there is a story behind the poor homeless in a city like SF ... how many more should be found in the cities of Inida ????
Its one of those picture sets on the net that is going to give me a sleepless night ... as i ponder and contemplate on the relative affluence in which i live ...
Life is unfair ... I've got to learn to accept it ... it is unfair in my favour tonight ....
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